Keeping the faith

Faith was the topic at a recent recovery group meeting I attended. When you're living in recovery, either in your first 24 hours or your 24th year, faith matters.

I was raised a Catholic, but I don't remember faith having much to do with it. It was more of an unwavering tradition. My father's parents were Catholic, so I was raised Catholic. You went to church on Sundays because you went to church on Sundays. The closest I ever got to a theological discussion at home was when I badgered my dad about why I had to go to church every week. His reply: "Because I said so, goddammit!"

I've always believed in a higher power, which gave me a big jump start on my recovery program. But while I never doubted the existence of a higher power, I frequently doubted the logic behind putting a useless being like myself on earth.

Growing in recovery is difficult, uncomfortable, liberating and exhilarating. One of the greatest gifts I've received is kind of an equation of faith; ironic, considering my unabashed hatred of all things mathematical. It goes like this: If I have faith in a higher power, I must believe that my higher power has faith in me. Based on my higher power's faith, I have faith in myself.

That tag team faith gives me the courage to roll out of bed each morning and believe that I can survive whatever the day may throw at me. It gives me the gumption to speak up, to trust that I have enough experience, strength and wisdom to share with my fellow humans. It lets me relax into my faith, knowing that a power greater than myself is running the show.

  My prayers are no longer desperate pleas for what I think I need. Most often they're telegrams of gratitude from my soul: Thank you for another sober day, a loving family, a body that works, a houseful of nutty pets, a life full of beautiful friends.

This is not to say that I don't ever thrash around in prayer, freaking out over the quick fix I want when uncomfortable situations arise. But the more conscientiously I work my spiritual program the less thrashing I do and the more peaceful life is. In fact, sometimes I wonder if all of this peace of mind is a signal that I am, in fact, losing my mind. Shouldn't I be more worried about money, my kids, my job, the world?

No, I shouldn't. All I need to do is stay spiritually connected and concern myself with being the person I believe I was meant to be. 

In the end, it's all about keeping the faith, whatever your faith may be.

Charlie Sheen IS the drug, and the media's hooked

I can tell you right now who’s high on a drug called Charlie Sheen: the media.

The slow motion train wreck known as sitcom star Charlie Sheen’s life is being documented in excruciatingly up close detail online, in print and on T.V.

A gaunt, wild-eyed Sheen has captivated America with his rants against anyone who dares to disagree with his delusional version of reality. CBS executives who temporarily pulled the plug on his “Two and a Half Men” series are now his enemies.

He was served with a restraining order filed by his wife, and the separated couple’s twin sons were removed from his home by police after he refused to return them to their mother. The restraining order was only a bid by his wife to grab a little of the spotlight for herself, Sheen claimed. It had nothing to do with the alleged threats he made against her, including that he would cut off her head and mail it to her mother.

I initially rolled my eyes at Sheen’s grandiose speeches. What a spoiled little jerk! Get into rehab, get sober and get over yourself, I thought.

After seeing several interviews and reading more quotes,my “oh, please” attitude was replaced by anger and sorrow. Charlie Sheen is mentally ill (my money’s on bipolar), and the media is wringing every drop of drama the can squeeze out of his situation. The bottom line isn’t the disintegration of a star, a husband, father, son, brother. The bottom line is the bucks.

A so-called addiction expert spoke knowingly about Sheen on T.V. last night. He claimed that, although Sheen has tested clean for drug use, he’s still using. He also claimed that Sheen will either get into treatment or die from substance abuse. He stated that Sheen’s delusions and egomania are the result of drug and alcohol abuse, even though there were no drugs or alcohol in his system when he acted out.

This guy’s credentials are that he’s a recovering addict and he’s appeared on the T.V. series “Intervention.”

Well, my credentials are that I’m a recovering alcoholic and I’ve been in a recovery program for most of the 28 years I’ve been sober. I’ve seen people drunk, sober, high as a kite and in the throes of withdrawal. None of the people I’ve seen in any of those states exhibited the symptoms Charlie Sheen has been displaying.

Believing you’re superhuman, viewing anyone who doesn’t share your vision as a mortal enemy, and behaving erratically and manically are symptoms of mental illness. 

I think the fact that Sheen tests clean for substances means that he’s no longer self-medicating. Many drug addicts and alcoholics have underlying mental health issues and become substance abusers to take the edge off their symptoms. 

It’s the sad, sick truth that I keep checking the Associated Press web link on my computer, expecting to see a file tagged “obit—sheen.” Unless someone steps in to help him, Charlie Sheen has nowhere to go but down. And so long as the media and his so-called fans embrace him and reward him for his mania, he’s going to keep spiraling, possibly into an early grave.

And if that does happen, prepare for a media frenzy as manic Sheen on his worst day.